If you always do what you've always done,
you'll always get what you've always got.
It appears that many people come on our retreats to get well enough to not have to change anything in their lives. Oh, the irony.
If we fast, retreat, heal, and express the toxins & their associated emotions, but then go straight back into the same choices out in the world, then what do we think the physical / biological / emotional result will be ?
Surely we must expect ourselves to make different choices in order for the results in the world to be different. Whether we come to 'be' different, to 'feel' different, to 'weigh' different... whatever...
But, as discussed before, we do so like things to remain the same - even when things are unfavourable, they are at least familiar, and we prefer things that way.
And fits very nicely with one of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite humans...
So, changing our ways seems to be the way to change our ways.
And this appears at the communication level in a big way.
If we are not willing to look at our assumptions, our values, our internal chatter, and at the things that offend us deeply, then we are unlikely to understand why the world keeps offending us. Thus we can continue to blame the world (and those in it) for our extreme reactions.
The resolution to all this is to understand ourselves. Our pain, our hurt, our fear, our need for love and connection. When someone's reactions are obviously disproportionate to the stimulus, rather than just terming them crazy or overreactive, it is far kinder to understand that some historical trigger has been pressed. Some terrible interpretation that they made of the world has been inflamed.
It is not the fault of the stimulus (though they usually take the blame), it is simply that this historical event has never been admitted, enquired into, fully felt, integrated, expressed and resolved, so anything that touches it, hits a raw nerve..
We do not have a society that encourages or even tolerates this kind of soul-searching. Opening one's own personal Pandora's box is sniffed at, and (as usual) defined as indulgent & crazy, a waste of time, and highly unproductive. The usual urge is to 'normalise' and suppress that which does not give immediate gratification.
But just the opposite is true - in the longer sense.
So if you wish to resolve those repeating conflicts in your life, in your family, in your relationship, in your workplace... Look at yourself. Deeply. Compassionately.
Does it keep repeating on you ?
Is it your own assumptions that are proving right ?
Does the world keep bruising you on a particular subject ?
Are you the common thread in a series of similar interactions ?
If any of that sounds familiar, and blaming 'other' has not worked for you, then perhaps you might want to track it within yourself.
When was the first time you remember this happening ?
An overbearing or neglectful parent, a bully, an unfaithful friend ? It is likely to be early in your life - one of the base building blocks in your personality. Something too painful to voice, or often even think about.
While we may glimpse it on our own, touch its very edges, these things are essentially hidden from us precisely because they are too massive to process. With an applied, adult mind, some are about to go there on there own - through meditation, awareness work, physical practice, or the surreptitious use of mind altering substances.
But most will need the guiding assistance of someone familiar with the territory. Both Kate and Daniel (coaches on our retreats) are well aware of these labyrinths and a few shortcuts. And, as usual, the fasting and retreated state lend themselves to resolution of such history, and the efficacy of the above practices.
But the key is to feel it. Without projecting it onto anything. Without the story, without the blame, the judgment, or the description. Just the feeling.
Cry it out. Shake it out. Dance it. Laugh it. Whatever is actually authentic, without pathos, but without drama. We are moving energy here, not performing.
Once this work is actually being done, the trapped energy will start to flow, and change, rejoining consciousness beyond the subconscious where it has been quietly running the show from the back seat.
Then patterns will change of their own accord. Things that were previously unbearably painful will be less so, then amusingly absent, and eventually a point of grand reflection of how we work.
And without this gushing torrent of triggered emotion coming from underneath, the waters become more still, more resilient, and more true to themselves. Leaving us more deliberate in our reactions. More coherent in our choices. More in tune with ourselves. And more in love with the world.
Can't be a bad thing !